Ready or not, here comes change

This has been a weird week. So many things have happened that I feel like I’m being pulled along with a giant knotted rope, and I’m skidding by all kinds of life changes, just trying to hang on and not fall flat on my face.

There were the little things. Like finally donating some old and “I never wear this” clothing to make room in my closet. And having to use a new brand of all-purpose cleaner (when I find one I like, I’m sad when it’s over). And experiencing the embarrassing split-in-your-pants sound when you kneel down (luckily, this happened at home, but it was my favorite pair of jeans and I’ve had them, for like, ever).

There were also the big things.

Like deciding, after a lot of pros and cons list making, and crying, to accept a new job. I’m still uncertain and scared, because, whoa, it’s a huge change.

And, for the first time in the year that we’ve been trying, thinking that I may actually be pregnant. That my husband and I may actually not have anything wrong with us and we might actually get what we want. And then, after the excitement of a positive pregnancy test, the plunge downward when we found out it was a lie. It was like a slap in the face, a titty twister, and a gut punch all at the same time.

And then, perhaps the biggest change of all, my sister welcomed her first baby into the world, making me an auntie. Knowing that it was coming soon doesn’t take away the excitement and surprise of hearing the news that he was born, healthy and happy, ready to change my entire family’s lives, forever. And most importantly, changing my relationship with my sister because she’s not just my sister anymore; she’s a mother to the most amazing little boy, my nephew.

I slept for almost twelve hours last night. All the changes caught up with me. This week has been a roller coaster of some low lows and very high highs.

But here’s the thing. Change is scary, yes. But it’s also inevitable. It happens whether you want it to or not. Some changes happen to you and others happen because of you. This week has had a little of each, and it has forced me into letting go of the things I cannot change, which is perhaps the hardest of all.

Ready or not, here comes change. Make way.


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