Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I’m a thinker, a questioner, a ponderer, a does-this-make-sense, and a is-this-the-right-thing kind of person. I think it goes hand-in-hand with being an introvert. Generally, I’ve accepted it as who I am and I’m okay with it.
Until I start thinking (see what I mean?) about what I would do with all the extra time I would have if I didn’t think so much. Would I have time for a new hobby? A second job? Would I talk to people more if I wasn’t so in my head all the time?
I don’t know. Maybe it’s normal. Maybe it’s not. Today, I got to thinking about all the thinking I do, which I know is basically the definition of metacognition (an awareness and understanding about one’s own thought processes). But, it just seems to be getting a little out of hand….
Like when I get a new sticker that tells me when my jeep is due for another oil change, and I start to think about how different my life will be three months from now. Because obviously my life is SO wild that it’ll be noticeably different in just three months time….yeah right. But it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it.
Or when I hear an old song on the radio and I think about what I was up to when I used to hear it all the time. I know lots of people do this, but why can’t it just be a song and not make me contemplate life?
Or when I’m writing a text, or worse yet, an email, and I think about what I’m saying and if the person/people reading it will hear it the same way I’m saying it. I have to think about each word, where it goes, which punctuation mark is around it, delete, move it over, delete again, and on and on. It’s quite the process.
Or when I have conversations with myself in my head and they feel so real that I swear I’ve had the conversation with another human. I’ll continue the conversation with my husband sometimes, thinking he was there for part one, but I’ll see his what-the-f-look and then I’ll remember, “ohhh yeah, that wasn’t you.”
And oh, aren’t decisions fun! Should I, shouldn’t I? When should I? What if I don’t? Thinking through e v e r y detail, and no doubt consulting myself on the issue. And what if the decision turns out not to be the best one? Then I develop trust issues with myself. Fun doesn’t cover it.
And how my thinking is random and doesn’t even make sense sometimes. When I start with the shirt I picked out to wear tomorrow and what was happening in my life the last time I wore it, and that will somehow remind me we need more dog food, which somehow leads me to think about my college days. It’s bizarre but I’ll spend hours doing it.
I feel like it’s coming down to this….will I be able to make your party, or come visit, or make plans for the summer? I don’t know. Let me check my schedule. I may have too much thinking to do.
Normal or not, at least now it’s documented.
(Great. Now I have to think about THAT.)